Monday, November 5, 2007

Transitioning Well --Part 2

Now to transition, the part I really wanted to get to. “Transition is generally the shortest part of labor; however, this is also the most intense part. Transition is similar to scaling the last large cliff of the mountain. It takes tremendous energy and support to make it through this short, yet difficult part. The major emotional marker for this stage is GIVING UP. It is not uncommon for a mother to say, “I can’t do this,” or “I need something.”

Have you ever felt the intensity or battle for your dream so strongly, the weariness, the exhaustion from the fight, voices in your head, pushes you towards giving up? Pastor Jim Laffoon, preached a message at City Life called Becoming a Giant. He said, “In moments of crisis, transition, going to the next level, the devil will magnify the voices of those who have said negative things about you or have ever hurt you. You will hear with a megaphone everything that has been whispered for years. The more impossible it seems to you, it seems impossible to the devil too. He doesn’t believe it could be different. When torment and fear come …you cower down. Instead, get the word and run toward it. The devil isn’t used to someone running after him.” These are great words of truth from a man who has fought many battles naturally, spiritually and physically.

I can’t help but identify with the “I need something”. Definitely when in natural labor, it is very hard to know what you need as all of your senses are extra intense and you just want the pain to stop! What helps is when others who know you and are discerning, help encourage and coach you during this time.

“Remain Calm, Remain Positive, Keep It Simple, and Remind Her of Her Progress,” Jennifer shares as the main tips for those coaching a laboring mothering during transition. “The laboring mother is very suggestible. If you look or act concerned or stressed she will pick up on it and become concerned that something is wrong. You must keep yourself calm and relaxed. If necessary, take a step back, take a deep breath and remind yourself that transition is normal. She is highly suggestible to negative comments, she needs you to be positive, and encourage her that she is doing well. Tell her how good she is doing, how proud you are of her.

A woman in transition doesn’t have energy to waste, and if you try to give her detailed or complicated directions she many not remember them when you are finished speaking. Give her simple commands. Remind her of her progress, some women find it easier to handle the intensity of transition when they realize it is transition. Knowing that they are almost done can give some women a burst of energy or confidence.

We all might find ourselves in different seasons, as a coach for those in transition. Keeping ourselves calm for their sakes and not responding negatively to them will cause a much easier and blessed process for all those concerned. But we should all go beyond not being negative, by BEING POSITIVE. As a support for them we can build up and encourage. Although their dream might not be yours, speak life to the dream they have. Tell them how good they will be at it, print out articles that might interest them, pray for them and give them scriptures to hold on to during tough times.

Maybe they don’t know they are in the transition phase from laboring to birthing and you could encourage them in that. They will then feel strengthened and get a new burst of energy and confidence. We can all use that.

Anyway, if you know someone close to you who is in transition, don’t get frustrated because they are not who they have always been to you or they are extra focused or sensitive right now. Pick up on the fact that something has changed, ask them questions if you are unsure what is going on and then it might be good to leave them alone for a season. This is definitely not the time to be selfish. It would be similar to me being at the point of birthing a natural baby and my husband asking me to focus on him, because he feels left out or as if I’m not paying attention to him (hmmmm!) Maybe he asks me to run and get him something to eat…this labor stuff has made him hungry (this is not a real life example-smile). I have often laughed at the exhaustion, or tiredness men proclaim after their wife has a baby. Now truly it is emotionally exhausting for men to see their wives go through labor but all things considered who is the one who has paid the price and needs the sympathy and support? The same with those in transition or moving forward in other things. Don’t take it personal or try to get them to focus on you. That could keep them from being faithful to what they are to be doing because they feel responsible for you. Love them enough to let them focus on other things.

Now with that, if you are the one in transition, communication is the key. You cannot expect others to always know that things have changed with you. With practical things it can be very obvious as in a job change or moving to a new location. But, if it is more spiritual or calling oriented once you have a pretty clear picture of what is going on it is good to share those things with others that are close to you. Whenever things are changing for you it will always affect others in one way or another. Since we know that, it is truly a great kindness to share it with others at a proactive time. Often, we shift, or know something is changing and we wait until conflict happens and then react to others reactions. On the other hand, maybe conflict doesn’t happen but those that you left out of the process feel hurt or unsure. It often can create great insecurity. Neither of those ways of handling changes is good. We can save us and others so much unnecessary pain if we would think about how our changes might affect them.

Jesus was great at communicating about transition. The 3 ½ years he walked with his disciples he communicated that he was with them for a while but that he would be leaving them. He shared the fact that he would die on the cross, be buried, but that he would be raised up after three days. They didn’t understand it all until it happened, but when they looked back they realized he had been preparing them.

We need to be like Jesus and prepare others when we can about changes in our lives. They might not understand at first, we often don’t understand fully ourselves, but that’s not our responsibility. Ours is the responsibility to care for those around us by communicating with compassion.

It’s hard when people change. It causes us to have to adjust our hearts and expectations. Even if communication is given we don’t always understand until after the change has happened. But if we can be open hearted and open minded we will be free from trying to keep others in the box/role we have always known them and we will break out of our own box!

In closing, many of us have lived through cycles of birthing. We have birthed personal freedom, our family and friend’s freedom, other ministries and many have been involved in the birthing of the Atlanta church, City Life. We have now entered into a transition of birthing we have never experienced before. God is birthing our individual calls and identities in Christ as it relates to His purpose in our city and our generation.

May God bless you greatly in whatever stage you find yourself.

[1] Jennifer VanderLaan and Birthing Naturally, www.birthingnaturally.net


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